Kirk has a sore back so one of the crew members, space girl Tonia Barrows, gives him a back rub. It’s great being Captain! In fact, it is such a good back rub, Kirk decides that the entire crew need a break, so he parks the Enterprise outside the nearest planet and beams down Bones and Sulu to establish whether it’s safe for the crew to chill out down there.
When Bones makes a passing reference to Alice in Wonderland, moments later the White Rabbit character from the book, complete with waistcoat and pocketwatch, runs by. Amazingly, Bones doesn’t immediately start chanting “Playboy Mansion, Playboy Mansion, Playboy Mansion” to test out whether he made it happen. So when Bones tells Kirk about the rabbit, Kirk thinks it’s a joke. Who can blame him?
The first batch of crew members beam down to the planet, including Kirk and Barrows. It’s all smiles until Bones shows Kirk the White Rabbit’s footprints. Kirk immediately cancels shore leave until they figure out what’s going on.
Bones and Kirk hear gunshots and run to investigate. It’s only Sulu! He found a gun lying around and did the same thing any one of us would do, and that is to shoot it randomly into the nearby woodland. Fortunately there are no fatalities.
Next up, Kirk finds himself talking to Bones about a former classmate, a real practical joker. Seconds later, that same classmate is there. They fight. Good times, good times.
They hear screams. It’s Barrows. She’s been assaulted. Her uniform is ripped so badly that she has to hold it up in order to remain decent. She says she was attacked by a cloaked man with a dagger. One can only imagine how terrifying this attack must have been for her. Careful now Kirk, you must be extremely sensitive here. Or not. Old blundermouth Kirk blurts out “Are you sure you didn’t imagine it?” Luckily for Barrows, the writers are as unattuned to the concept of an female assault as Kirk, and the incident is largely forgotten moments afterwards.
There are hints that a romance is developing between Bones and Barrows. Barrows discusses a princess fantasy of hers and a beautiful gown appears. At first she is hesitant to wear the outfit. Understandable, really, because if the gown were to disappear as suddenly as it appeared, her modesty could be severely compromised. In the end she can’t resist the dress and puts it on. I guess the Starfleet uniform must be optional when on duty.
Spock beams down to the planet to inform Kirk that they are stranded on the planet’s surface. Then it dawns on him that he’s now stranded too. Looks like Scotty has to take command.
As Bones discusses Princesses with Barrows, he makes the mistake of mentioning brave knights, so one appears and spikes him with his jousting stick. Spikes him to death! Poor Bones. Maybe it won’t take?
When Sulu opens the Knight’s mask, he discovers that the knight was just a waxwork. Moments later Bones and the knight disappear. After finally figuring out that whatever they think of comes true, Kirk orders everyone to stop thinking. Spock then adds: “And whatever you do, don’t think of a tiger”.
One tiger attack later, the crew regroup.
Barrows is back in uniform. It has healed itself! A man appears, the caretaker of the planet. He explains that they have in fact beamed down onto a big amusement park, which brings fantasies to life. Bones then appears with his arms around two girls in fuzzy bikinis. Barrows looks annoyed. Bones has some explaining to do!
And so the crew are allowed to go on shore leave after all. Except Spock. In your face, Spock.
Cast:
William Shatner as James T. Kirk
Leonard Nimoy as Spock
DeForest Kelley as Leonard H. McCoy
Nichelle Nichols as Uhura
George Takei as Hikaru Sulu
Guest Cast:
Marcia Brown as Alice in Wonderland
Emily Banks as Yeoman Tonia Barrows
Oliver McGowan as Caretaker
Perry Lopez as Lt. Estaban Rodriguez
Bruce Mars as Finnegan
Shirley Bonne as Ruth
Creative Staff:
Director: Robert Sparr
Written By: Theodore Sturgeon
